Test This Shit

There's far lot more of amazing processes beyond our universe. There's the Black Hole, the Big Bang Theory, and Alien bacterial reproduction.

But regarding these things, there are also few mysterious processes occuring in our planet aside from Lunar Eclipses and Ozone Layer thinning.

And what I am talking about is Stool Sampling.

Well, this may not be a bigger topic or matter than presidential speeches and human cloning, but we cannot deny the fact that stool sampling is a crucial part of our professional life and must not be taken lightly.

As a regular procedure of the so-called Medical Examinations [that a professional must undergo as a part of the employment phase], stool sampling takes is place at the bottom part of the procedure. It can provide basic information about your medical condition and it can also predict the recent diet you've been taking.

Aside from the undigested vegetables such as beans and kangkong, stool samples can predict your future. Well of course that is if there's any fortune teller that is willing to look at your shit just to predict the future.

I therefore provide these tips in order for you to fully utilize such process. Remember that stool sampling may sound simple and appear incomplex, but there is such great process that occupies its name.

DISCLAIMER: As usual, the following tips and/or procedures and/or descriptions has not undergone any testing procedure and should be handled with care. Any particular result regarding the said procedure may be discussed here.

Tips/Steps to a successful Stool Sample Extraction by Tannix

1. RELAX - stool extraction is not a gang war nor it is World War I or II. It is not forced. Stool extraction is quite similar to sexual intercouse where in the use of force can produce undesirable and painful sensations.

It is a delicate process and be sure to be at at relaxed state of the physical and mental. One must be at a calmed wholly calmed and not rushing at all times. Do not be impatient and wait for the proper timing.

Remember how Don Juan captured the Ibong Adarna? He waited until the bird was vulnerable enough to be caught.

I'm not saying that you should slash your wrists and squirt citrus juices on them. What I'm saying is that you should be patient enough and relax in order for the procedure to be carried out accordingly. You may not obtain a successful result, but a relaxed state of both mind and body can ease the process.

2. HAVE THE RIGHT TOOLS - in the fast-paced pace of technology today, we cannot deny the fact that 20 or 21 years in the future, there are numerous supermachines that are readily available in the market that are specially designed for stool sampling or extraction. In the near future, you may even send your stool samples ONLINE.

Either you attach it with your e-mail, you fax it to the company, or you send it via bluetooth or WiFi.

But as of now, we must live with what we have and be able to utilize the functions of our current technology.

Usual Tools may be any of the following:

A.) Extractor - an extractor may be as simple as a spoon or as sophisticated machine that can extract stool samples from your anus. You can choose from a variety of plastic spoons [and NOT FORK] from different fastfood companies, particularly Jollibee and Mcdo.

You may opt for McDonald's spoon since it's much smoother and it can't damage your asshole. Keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to order from a fastfood chain just to obtain spoons like these. You can also use silverwares since they are easy to clean and gives a tingling effect since it is made of metal.

An alternative extractor may be a popsicle stick from Magnolia or Selecta products. Just be sure that you have already eaten the popsicle or ice cream from the stick before you stick it up your ass. You may pick any flavor of popsicle. I prefer orange.

NOTE: Popsicle sticks have long been a tool used by clinics to observe your throats during check-ups. It pushes your tongue downward to fully get a view of your throat. You must be observant enough to know if the popsicle stick has already been used for stool extraction. If the popsicle stick tastes unusual, then you should go sue your clinic.



B.) Container - medical examiners usually provide containers for the feces during the period of medical exams. But at the case of when you are not given, it is advised that you are to pick an airtight container to prevent the smell from infesting the area.

You can choose tupperwares or microwavable containers.

Bottles with rubber seals or Close-up resealable sachet is also an option for the container. You can choose a paper plate or a newspaper, it's your shit anyways, so you still get to decide. If you're really out of containers, you can hand carry the sample until you get to submit it to the examiners.





C.) Disinfecting Materials - stool extraction is not a neat process. It is as delicate as the process of giving birth [and also as painful if your shit is as big as a child], and it is full of germs and is no way near sterilized.



It is therefore adviced that you are to use alcohol, soap, tissue paper, alcogel, gasoline, matchstick, atomic bomb, holy water, and scotch brite and Joy Antibac or any disinfecting materials you know in order to ensure proper shit extraction. You can also use medical rubber gloves in order be truly disinfected.

3. BE PREPARED - sometimes, it is difficult to predict the exact time that you are to shit. You should be prepared at all times. It is not advisable that you are to induce fecal extraction for faster results.

Example: You are to eat Bagoong, and then you drink Chocolait, and you eat champoy, peanuts, raisins, and green mango, and tamarind. Within minutes, you are sure to be shitting your pants.

This process will result into undesirable...uhm, results. Remember that stool extraction is quite similar to giving birth and should be prepared for.

Medical examiners, more often than not, require individuals to produce FRESH SAMPLES of shit. Stools are not like meat products that you can place inside the refrigerator to keep the freshness when the submission of the sample is not yet due. It may be mistaken for some sort of sauce or Kimchi if placed in the refrigerator.

Also practice proper asshole muscular control. You don't want to let the shit be pouring too fast when you extract it. Might as well use the toilet first and fish the samples from there.

Do not be dismayed if the stool extraction is a failure for the reason of diarrhea or false alarms. Stools are not always the thing that are to come out of your ass. It may be a tiyanak or a big fart. Nonetheless, you should be prepared.

4. BACK-UP - If all else fails, you could try to extract the sample directly at the venue of the examiners. It is a good thing since you are sure to obtain a sample. You could try to extract at a specific time. Let's say after lunch, when you've had two Big Macs.

The only drawback would be that your ass would have the condition of unfamiliarity with the different toilets and you would be having difficulty shitting out the samples. Most puwets have this namamahay condition that prevents them from "letting go".


Remember that this is stool extraction and not sperm donation. You can't use a porno magazine to induce a sample.

So it is best to be prepared.

There are many possibilities when it comes to stool sampling. Your imagination is the limit.

I hope these tips help.

You can always normally deliver shit out your ass. It's been always like that since you were born.

Blah Blah Blah

Aba naman anak, matulog ka na. Anong oras na oh? Tignan mo nga yang relo at alas tres na ng madaling araw!

Oooh, look! It is already past three AM in the morning...

Wait, let me say that again.

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Ooooh, look! It is already past three AM!

Ah, there, I got it.

What the hell am I doing here at this hour in time!


Ah, I miss my blogs. My cute little blogs. My precious... KHEEEHK!!!

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Ah, that was just Mr. Gollum petting his pretty blog.

But I do miss my blog. I am here again after quite sometime of not visiting my own page here in the world wide web.

I've got stories to tell, a tale to share... and lots more of those mumbo jumbo that I've got to write. People might not idolize me that much if I slack around so I better get busy!

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First of all, I am awake right now because I've been playing this game called [burududududududud.... - that's suppose to be a drum roll]

Commandos : Destination Berlin.

It's the third installment of the game, and it's quite old. I liked the game because of the environment and how you play it. Pretty much like uhm... Lemmings, but with a little bit of explosions. Well, not actually like Lemmings.

Ah basta, yun na yun!

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Medyo nawala na ang antok ko dahil kumain ako ng manok. Di ko alam kung anong meron sa manok na yun. Nakakain ata ng beans ng kape kaya hindi ako makatulog kanina. Pero ngayon inaantok na ako kaya dapat eh tapusin ko na ang mga sinasabi ko dito. Gusto ko ng sleeping pills. Gusto ko ng time extender. Gusto ko ng... ah, basta may mga gusto ako sa buhay.

Yung manok nga pala eh dala ng kabarkada ng ate ko. Birthday kasi niya kaninang August 29. Babatiin ko sana siya kaso lang natulog na, kaya next year na lang. Napakaswerte naman niya kung batiin ko pa sya ngayon eh kahapon ang birthday niya. Ano siya? Birthday? Sus!

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Medyo madami na akong issues na napapalampas na feel ko eh dapat kong gawan ng opinyon.

Merong matabang mayaman na nakakatanggap ng death threath na ayaw ng Axe dahil may Jo Malone na siya. Merong mga TV hosts na nag-aasaran at nag-iiyakan. Merong mga alien na napakatigas ng mukha na hatalang-halatang non-biodegradable ang materyales na ginagamit. At meron din naman mga isyu na hindi ko na maalala na feel ko dapat kong gawan ng opinyon.

Sa ngayon, eh "busy" ako eh.


Oo, yung parang sa telepono lang. Tut. Tut. Tut. Tut. Tut. Taaat. Taaat. Taaat. Taaat...

TURORIT. TURORIT. TURORIT...

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Pero medyo "busy" ako ngayon. Saka ko na ikukwento ang dahilan kung bakit medyo bumagal ang blogging rate ko ngayon imbes na halos mga 2 entries per day.

Kasi medyo... ah, teka lang. Pumapasok sa garahe namen yung putanginang pusa na palaging nakikidaan dito sa loob ng bahay.

Ang malas naman ng kumag na ito at naabutan niyang gising ako. Haha, tangina niya.

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Ah, ayun. Hindi ko naman inabutan ang ungas. Mabilis pa sa daga kung tumakbo. Akala kasi basta-basta lang dumaan dito sa bahay. Gago talagang pusa yun. Minsan nga pupuntahan ko ang magulang nun at isusumbong ko na eh. Sumosobra na kasi.

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Ah, hello nga pala sa mga readers. Gusto ko lang malaman nyo na buhay pa ang may-ari ng blog na ito, at pati ang blog na ito. Medyo kinakapos lang sa oras kaya kahit isang letra, isang araw, hindi ako makapaglagay.

Sino ba naman kasi ang magbabasa lang ng isang letra diba? Siguro yung mga pre-school pero super henyo naman nila kung marunong na silang mag-operate ng computer. Parang ako lang siguro yun nung bata.

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Joke lang yung last sentence sa taas. Wala pa kameng computer noong pre-school ako. Pero meron kaming cellphone na kasing laki ng pangkaskas ng yelo. Yung parang pwedeng self-defense na cellphone dahil sobrang delikado niya.

Siguro sa isang minuto ng paggamit mo nung cellphone na yun eh 10M na agad ang mababawas sa brain cells mo.

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Wait a fucking minute, what I've been putting here has been too long. I might miss my sleepiness again.

I am not insomniac. I just can't sleep that early. And I don't wake up early. I just wake up late. Probably in the middle of the afternoon.

But I cannot do that later.

For it is my graduation day! Yay!

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After this shit, it's gonna be tannix the blogger boy! I shall blog and blog until my balls dry out.

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Ah, that must be too much. I can't do that. I'll just blog for fun.

BLOFF!!! BLOg For Fun!!!

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Ah puta, ang haba. Wala namang sense!

I Hate Men

I saw this on my brother's poster, a long time ago.

I couldn't find any of the original copy, so I just made one myself.

I Hate Men
by tannix

I hate men
Because they bring me
To the dark alleys and corners
Oh how I hate them

With their thin dirty fingers
They hold my body
With their black lips
They smother me


I hate men
For they take me to their bedrooms
They take away my purity
And suck the sweetness out of me

I hate men
For after being used and abused
They throw me aside
And I am as good as a rag

They leave me to die
And most times
I get stepped on
As if I did not pleasure them

I hate men
For I cannot do anything
And what can I do...




For I am only a cigarette

Evasion

There will come a point in our lives in which we have to avoid something. Evasion is not an act of cowardice, it is a form of protecting oneself. A protection in which we can save ourselves from the negativities of these forces that surround us.

And often times, what we have to evade are people.

People who's got the extreme hots for us. It may be because of our aura, our sex appeal, our extreme looks and probably just because we are damn gorgeous. It may be these type of people or just some kind of pesky neighbor trying to sell you something.

And we just can't entertain them anymore because we are in a current relationship, or we just simply don't like to see the person because of how they dress, how they act, how they smell, and how they treat us. For any reason at all, we just have to evade these people.

My friends, let me give you some tips on how we could successfully(?) avoid certain people that are after us.

DISCLAIMER: These steps have not been tested in any way. I shall not be held responsible for any fatal results whatsoever.

Possible Evasion Tactics by Tannix

1. IF THE PEOPLE YOU ARE AVOIDING TOLD YOU THAT THEY ARE GOING TO YOUR PLACE, IMMEDIATELY INFORM THEM THAT YOU HAVE AN LEAVING FOR SOMEWHERE RIGHT AT THE EXACT MOMENT THAT THEY ARE TO ARRIVE.

It is important that you have to let these people believe that your destination is believable and it really exists. Choose a place like Disneyland, Mars or Jupiter. Tell them that you want to meet aliens and that you want to personally measure how big is Jupiter. You can also tell them that you're attending the funeral of the brother of the sister of the neighbor of the godfather of the mother-in-law of the cat of the son of the househelp of your cousin. Or you just have to be somewhere you weren't suppose to be just because they are coming.

Tell this to the people being avoided every time they are visiting so that surprise visits are to be eluded.

2. DON'T BATHE FOR FIVE... wait... make it SEVEN DAYS UP TO A MONTH. ALTERNATIVELY, YOU CAN JUST WIPE YOUR ARMPITS BUT DON'T PUT DEODORANTS

Your nasty smell shall serve as the "insect repellant" for the annoying people you are trying to avoid. You can also jog inside your cabinet for easy perspiration. You must do this before the person arrives and be sure to give them a hug whenever they arrive.

If you cannot deem to not take a bath or go with the wiping thing, you could proceed with cleaning your nails regularly and not letting them grow.

Hey, you may smell like hell, but at least you've got pretty clean fingernails!

3. PRETEND THAT SOMEONE IS GIVING YOU A DEATH THREAT AND YOU ARE IN DANGER AT ALL TIMES.

Certain proof of a death threat must be established. You must make the person believe that any person that has a connection with you which is a man/woman/gay/lesbian, has an age within the range of 1-100 years old, within the vicinity of your area or is in the Philippines, has the starting letter of their name included in the English alphabet, is 100 percent and positively sure that their lives are in danger. Also indicate to the person that surprisingly, all the members of your clan are not included in this death threat.

4. YOU COULD TRY TO GET THESE FOLLOWING ANIMALS AS PETS: RATS, COCKROACH, BEDBUGS, FLEAS, MOSQUITOES, SNAKE, BEES, ALLIGATORS, FROGS, FLIES, CENTIPEDES, LIONS, TIGERS, BEARS, ASWANGS, TIKBALANGS, KAPRE, JELLYFISHES AND OTHER ADORABLE CREATURES OF THE NIGHT.

Be sure to display them in your house[in a bragging manner] whenever you are visited by the person being avoided.

It is advisable for you to treat your pest..er...pests as part of your family. Give them enough love and devotion that you would give a "normal" pet. Be sure to show affection to the pet by kissing them in front of the person and feeding them regularly.

NOTICE:

A. As advised by Bob Ong - Do not place the frogs and snakes, frogs and mosquitoes and/or flies and/ or bees and/or bedbugs, snakes and rats, in a single cage unless you want your house to become a food chain chart.

B. Be advised to feed the pets 3 times a day or based on their dietary allowances.

C. Keep out the Aswangs out of sunlight. They will surely die at the morning [given by popular belief]. Provide sunblocks if necessary.

D. Be sure to have an ample supple of "grass" for the Kapres. Keep an ample supply for the Tikbalangs as well because aanhin pa ang damo kung patay na ang kabayo.

E. Provide labels for the cages. It is most likely that the jellyfishes will end up as pulutan for the drunk family member, being mistaken it for a squid.

F. If the said animal is unavailable for purchase due to some DENR issues, you may replace it with a "replacement" such as a picture of Madam Auring or Diego of Bubble Gang.

*DISCLAIMER*

This particular step will not be held liable for the damages that it will surely bring to you, to your pets [or pests], or to the brother of the sister of the neighbor of the godfather of the mother-in-law of the cat of the son of the househelp of your cousin.

If ever your house burns, you die, or your whole clan is exterminated, I won't be held liable. I just gave these things as a guide. If such things happen, I don't exist anymore.

NOTE: I am usually used to the pets mentioned above.

5. ALWAYS TAKE A NAP OR GO TO SLEEP WHENEVER THE AVOIDED PERSON IS AT YOUR HOUSE.

It's best of you would induce narcolepsy or take some sort of downers or munch on sleeping pills like peanuts. It is also advised to use camping gears such as tents and bonfires right in front of the person you are avoiding. Be sure to sleep in the place where the person is positioned.

6. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, PROVIDE TANNIX WITH CONTACT DETAILS OF THE PERSON BEING AVOIDED.

This particular step is only applicable if the person being avoided is a woman, between 18 to 23 years of age, single, sexy, cute, beautiful, gorgeous, kind, cheerful, a good cook, sings very well, understanding, patient, thoughtful, sweet, and pretty, has no criminal and/or psychotic behavior and/or records, and/or psychological issues, has a loving parents, and has no bad habits. Oh, and with hot and oozing sex appeal that's also a freak in the sheets.

Please give the details of the woman to tannixkinse@yahoo.com, or to friendster.com/tannix, and to this blog.



And these are said tips that are to be followed for avoiding people, may it be a stalker, an in-law, bill collector or someone asking a favor, I'm sure this will surely help.

Thank you and goodluck to the evasion.

So Horny

So Horny
by tannix

I'm horny, so horny
Like the song
Redundant of its tune
So horny, Oh so horny

You make my skin shiver
And my flesh tremble
I have you in my sight
And I won't let go

I want you here
In front of me
Pleasure my desires
And prepare yourself

I will get you
When you least expect it
And I will make my move
The most pleasurable of all

Mr. Matador, your red sheet
Is what annoys me
With your piercing sword
You will go down with the dust

The Road

Ops, English nga tayo! Tignan naten kung gaano ako tatagal magsulat ng English!

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Life is very tiring for someone who commutes everyday. Back in college, where I had classes almost everyday, the only means for me to travel is to take the PUVs. I don't have a car, nor I don't know anything about teleportation or flying. So the most obvious thing to do is commute using the PUVs. They come in buses, FXs, jeeps, tricycles, and pedicabs and trains. I've taken a ride in each of these PUVs and I've gotten much stories from them during almost the entirety of my college life.

There's actually a lot of interesting stuff to see and experience when you travel on PUVs. There's a lot of things you can experience and also observe, which you can't usually do when you drive. Aside from sleeping and counting endless hours when in stuck in traffic, you don't get to do anything else except observe everything that's in your surroundings. I am glad and thankful that I've not experienced any life-threatening accidents nor have I been robbed or pick-pocketed in any of these PUVs.

There's just this annoying stuff that bothers you for a minute or two.

How annoying?

How about this: almost everyday of the week, you get to ride a jeepney that's passing by the gasoline station to fill-up. It has become more than annoying for me. It's a curse I tell you, A CURSE!!!

I have lost track of the times this happened but it happens often. There's probably thousands of jeepneys in our area and even in Manila, but I always ride on the ones that are filling up their gas tanks. It usually happens when you are in a hurry and you've got minimum time allowance. It's just annoying how that often happens but there's just no choice but to get used to it.

I can't ask every jeepney driver before I ride.

Me: "Manong, maggagasolina po kayo?"
Manong:"Ah, oo eh."
Me: "Sige, sa iba na lang ako sasakay."

It's annoying sometimes that you have to pick a jeep and that particular jeep had to be the one to gas up. I've tried that before. I was suppose to ride the first one to come, but I just let it pass by, thinking that it would be the one to gas up. I chose the second one. It was lucky for me to just pick the second jeep because it was the one that had to gas up. Pretty lucky eh?

I guess there's no other way but to pick a jeep after the gas station and pick the one that has already been there. It's the surest way to ensure that the jeep isn't going to gas up.

Other jeepneys just can't assure you an all-out stop-free ride. They just have to stop at any possible passenger. Every person on the side of the road is a potential passenger. So naturally, drivers stop by them even if they don't have to ride that jeepney, which is quite a drag.

And sometimes, it just needs a bit of convincing for the passengers to ride. And it works! Well, not for me though.

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When the LRT2 was not yet up, I had to take the bus for almost everyday of my commuting life in college. It's the most comfortable and carefree means of transportation from school to our place. You pay the conductor and you sleep. One more good thing for the particular bus line that I ride is that the station is just a few blocks away from where we live. The bus us usually empty and I get to sit where ever I want to sit.

There is this one time that I rode the ordinary fare bus and I was somewhere at San Juan area when I felt a tug at my leg. I was sleeping and my head was bowed down, with my arms as my pillow. Since the windows were open, I was able to put my elbows outside and use the open window and my arms as pillows.

So there I was, sleeping until I felt a tug and a feeling that someone was touching my pocket. I opened my eyes and I saw the hand of the guy sitting next to me, exploring my legs and my pocket area. Thinking that it's a pick-pocketer, I waited for it's next move. I was surprised that his hands went past my pocket and headed straight to my zipper.

It was DICK-PICKER after all. So I hurriedly went up and looked the guy straight in the eye with my eyes blazing with anger. I stared at him as if laser beams would shoot out of my eyes [and at that moment, I wish it did], and I stared until he was so nervous that he stood up and took off the bus. I don't really know if he was supposed to take off at that area or he was just afraid of being pulverized. The guy was just thin and I think I could've taken him out if he didn't do the right thing [which is to get out of the bus]. But being the good guy that I am, I just stared at him furiously and waited for his next intelligent move. And he was lucky that I kept my cool and didn't give him the reason to have a plastic surgery.

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There was this one time that I rode the FX. I was at the back and the music was good, something like New Wave. And I was really into the music so I was lipsynching with the tune. The guy in front of me was much more into the music since he was singing with a soft tone off his mouth. That was just fantastic. A mini-concert. I took my mind off the music since I might end up being his second voice.

That made me wonder if it's me or there are just an ample amount of people who wants to sing along with the vehicular radio, whatever it's tune is.

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Regardless of whatever kind of nuisance or challenge the road gives to me, I'd be there to face it. You can't really go anywhere that much unless you take the road. And of course the helicopter, and the airplane.

I really need to practice that teleportation thing that the Super Saiyans are into. That sort of stuff is gonna make me rich!!!

Catch Me I'm Falling

Matagal na ding panahon ang nakaraan noong last akong nakapanood ng X-Games. Di ko alam na umabot na pala ito sa 13 ngayong taon na ito.


Kung hindi mo alam ang X-Games, eto yung short for Extreme Games. Madaming ganitong event ang nagaganap sa iba't-ibang bansa at sa iba't-ibang panahon pero mukhang nasa America ang main event at sponsored ng ESPN.

Eto nga pala ang Wikipedia Article. At ito naman ang official site nila.

Sa X-Games madaming event. May skateboard, motocross, BMX, in-line skates (roller blades), wakeboarding, surfing, wall climbing at mga iba pang hindi ko maalala. Meron ding Winter X-Games

Nagsimula na X-Games noong 1995. Skateboarding, BMX, at in-line skates ang mga main event.

Madami ang sikat na pangalan sa X-Games.

Si Tony Hawk and his famed 900 trick. It's supposedly an aerial trick that is a 900 degree spin.

Sila Dave "The Mirracle Man" Mirra , at si Matt "The Condor" Hoffman. Si Dave Mirra ang nakagawa ng Double Backflip. Si Matt Hoffman naman eh sikat dahil siya ang nagpasimula sa mga ganitong klase ng stunts.

Sa Motocross naman eh sila Travis Pastrana at sila Mike Metzger, saka sila Brian Deegan.

Matagal ko nang inaabangan ang mga event na ito pero madalas eh nalalampasan ko din sila. Buti na lang at may Youtube. Search nyo lang: X-Games.


Ngayon naman, nasa 13 na sila. Matagal na din ang panahon na nakalipas.


At sobrang dami na ng butong nabali. Kahit medyo bihira naman na may sumemplang dito sa event na ito, kapag sumemplang, matindi at minsan fatal pa.

Ngayong X-Games 13, nag-install sila ng isang structure na kung tawagin eh Mega Ramp. Gawa sa kahoy ang ramp na ito at malaki siya. As in MEGA!!! MALAKI TALAGA!


At speaking of butong nabali, pakipanood niyo ito at malalaman niyo kung bakit ganyan ang title niyan.



Astig! ITO NA ATA ANG PINAKAMASAKLAP NA PARAAN PARA MAHUBAD ANG SAPATOS MO!!!!

Jake Brown was at his second run, attempting to pull-out a 720. He nailed the 720 but eventually, he was taken out of action by that 45-feet fall.

Swerte na lang ni Jake Brown at nabuhay pa siya. More than that, nakalakad pa siya paalis sa ramp. Siya ata dapat yung tawaging miracle man at hindi si Dave Mirra.

Wala, nag-share lang naman ako. Gusto ko na ngang manood palagi ng mga semplang ng X-Games eh, para matauhan ako at hindi na ako sumakay pa o gumamit ng bisikleta, motorsiklo, o di kaya eh skateboard habang buhay pa ako at buo pa ang mga buto.

Jake Brown Article

BALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALIBALI

Naalala ko tuloy noong kabataan ko at binata naman ang kuya ko. Naimpluwensiyan siya noon ng mga tropa nya na mag-skateboard.

Actually magaling mag-skateboard ang mga tropa niya. Siya lang ang hindi! Ahaha!

Natigil lang sila noong naaksidente ang kanilang kaibigan.

Sumemplang siya at naitukod ang kanyang braso.

Naputol ang isa sa mga buto sa braso niya na nagdudugtong sa joints ng siko niya. Ayun, natigil sila sa pag-skateboard.

Ako naman eh nanonood na lang imbes na subukan ko pang magbisikleta or mag-skateboard na kahit kailan eh hindi angkop sa body weight ko. Di ako agile para magskateboard. At lalong hindi ako payat para mag-try ng X-Games.

Isa lang akong hamak na mortal na nasasaktan kaya saluhin nyo ako sa oras na mangyari ito...

Catch me I'm falling!!!

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Naalala ko tuloy yung kaklase ko nung high school. Isa siyang matabang bakla. Nag-eemote siya noon sa klase at kumakanta ng "Catch Me I'm falling! Falling! Falling fast ageeeeen...."

Natural, ano bang sasabihin ng isang tarandatadong katulad ko kundi: "Ulol! Walang sasalo sayo!!!"

Okay lang, buhay pa ako at hindi naman ako namolestya ng nasabing bakla.

Blogaloo

I want to make a mark in the world of blogging. Be a known speck in the Blogosphere.

Be someone famous in short.

But that's just a freakin' long way to go.

Why do I blog? What is my purpose to the Blogosphere? Why am I here?

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I started blogging about a couple of years ago. Here's the LINK by the way.

Just like now, my blog seems to be all about nonsense. And this is probably the reason why I can't make it big here.

Whenever I bloghop, I sometimes get this feeling of emptiness within me.

I feel so left out about such things and I feel that I've wasted so many times on the internet just dowloading games, watching porn, masturbating, and just doing plain nothing [well that's after I clean up of course].

I've heard about blogging back when I still have dial-up connection. It's just that I wasn't interested enough to create an account anywhere.

And here I am, feeling the loss. The loss of time on getting my ideas out there and be known for even just a simple thing, which is this.

I was asking myself, "Where have I been all these time?"

It's just sad for me.

I particularly wanted to "release" these ideas of mine to people. I feel like if these thoughts don't get published, I may not have a purpose in my life anymore.

The fact that I've got plen...






Teka lang ha, kuha lang ako ng meryenda.

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Ayan, ang sarap talaga ng kakanin.

Aba, teka? Ano ba itong naisulat ko na ito?

Hmmm... aba, aba aba aba...

Anong kalokohan ito? Ako ba ang nagsulat nito?

Anak ng puta.

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Teka, bago pa ako mapagkamalan na schizophrenic eh aaminin ko na ako nga ang nagsulat niyan, hehe.

Wala lang, nada-drama lang ako. Haha, nakakatawa. As if naman may makikialam sa drama ko. Para namang nagagawi dito sila Mother Lily at Boy Abunda, at yung iba pang talent scouts, manager, at producers para magdrama ako ng ganun at madiskubre.

Peste yan, ano bang pakialam ko dun? Haha.

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Unang-una, pinapasalamatan ko yung mga taong nagagawi dito sa blog ko. Sa mga tao na lubusan ang pag-aaksaya ng oras dahil wala naman kayong makukuhang kahit na anong impormasyon o di kaya eh nakakatuwang mga bagay.

Nagpapasalamat ako kay Luna_sy, kay Kirk, kay Tonskie, Kay Psychoangelo, kay Mnel, kay sir Drei, kay sir SB, kay Yunisee, kay Sarj, kay Karlo.Pinoyblogero, sa Pinoyblogosphere, at sa lahat ng mga tao na nagsign, nag-comment, at bumoto sa mga bagay-bagay na nasa blog ko. Kung sino man kayo, mag-comment kayo dito!

I COMMAND YOU!!!

Sa totoo lang, ang hirap maglagay ng pangalan sa pasasalamat kasi everytime na may dadating, ie-edit mo pa yung blog entry.

Bago pa lang naman siya. At mga kakilala ko lang din ang andito. Yung mga nagblog-hop mula sa ibang panig ng blogosphere eh wala pa akong nakikita. Except for dun sa isang account na advertisement lang at binura ko na din.

Maraming salamat sa din nga pala sa mga bisita na bumisita at hindi nagpakilala man lang. Yaan nyo, makikilala nyo din ako. Tandaan nyo ang pangalang TANNIX. Yan ang isa sa magiging mataginting na mga pangalan sa larangan ng blogging. Magiging isa itong pundasyon ng mga...

Teka nga, natakot ako sa mga sinabi ko ah. Parang di ko kayang gampanan yun. Sige na nga, basta salamat sa mga dumalaw at nag-aksaya sa munti kong blog na bagong-gawa pa lang.

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Bakit nga ba ako nagba-blog? Ano ba ang mga rason ko at pangunahing mga dahilan kung bakit ako nag-blog?

Aba, ewan ko nga ba. Basta nung marinig ko lang kung para saan ang blog at papaano ito nagwork eh gumawa na din ako. Baka kasi manghinayang nanaman ako nung time na pinalampas ko ang dapat sanang ginawa ko na eh, pero di ko tinuloy.

Ops, hindi ito yung pagpapatuli ha.

Mga rason ko kung bakit ako nagblog:

1. GUSTO KONG SUMIKAT AT MAGPAPASIN.
- Resulta marahil ito ng madalas na pagkakabagok ng aking ulo nung kabataan. Naghangad ako ng labis na atensyon sa mga tao sa paligid ko. At ngayon naman, sa mga tao sa internet.

Kalokohan ito pero susubukan na din naten. Konting promotion pa eh makikilala ko na din ang mga bigatin ng blogworld. Makikipagkamay ako sa mga elitista tulad nila... nila... teka, wala naman akong kilalang mga sikat na bloggers. Anong silbi pang sumikat ako kung wala man lang ako ng kaalam-alam sa mundong ito? Ah basta, mangyayare din yan kahit papaano. Umabot lang sa sampu ang makaalam ng blog ko eh masaya na ako. Di naman ako mapaghangad. Ayoko naman kasing sumikat masyado dahil isnabero ako pag sumikat na ako.

2. Gusto kong magpalipas ng oras.

- Hindi man ito halata pero ganun na nga. Kapag natutulala ako at kung ano-ano ang pumapasok sa isip ko, di ko ito maatim na mawala na lang sa hangin. Dapat itong maisulat dahil baka mapakinabangan ito ng ating mga scientist sa pagtuklas ng makabagong gamot sa katamaran, hika, pagkasuya sa karne, at excessive masturbation.

3. Gusto kong kumita ng pera.

- Naengganyo ako dun sa isang blog entry ng aking kakilala na si Supernoobice. Pwede nga palang kumita sa blog. Pero sa ngayon, ang kinikita lang ng blog ko eh amag. Inaamag na siya dahil wala siyang kwenta at tanging ang mga intelektwal, mga mala-diyos ang kagandahan at kagwapuhan na nilalang lamang ang maaaring makapagbasa nito.

Kaya kung isa ka lamang imortal, welcome ka pa din syempre.

Alangan namang ipagdamot ko pa yung basura ko diba? Pero mataas masyado ang pangarap kong kumita ng pera para sa isang basurang blogsite. Sino ba naman ang site na ito para pansinin ni Google? Alangan namang bayaran niya yung mga paslit na blogsites tulad ng saken? Eh nasa bottom list pa ako ng Google kapag nagsearch ka. Kaya mananalangin na lang ako na masira ang database ng google at padalhan ako ng isang milyong dolyares.

3. Gusto kong mag-entertain.

-Ito, seryoso ako dito. Gusto kong magpasaya ng mga tao sa pamamagitan ng mga ideya ko. Kung meron man akong purpose sa buhay ko, ito yung magpaligaya ng mga tao. Yung simpleng aspeto lang ng kaligayahan, yung mapatawa sila ng kaunti, kahit kalahating tawa lang. Yung kahit "HA-H..." lang ika nga ni Alex. Alam kong kaya ko ito, madami na din naman kasing magpaptunay dito eh. Ito na marahil ang goal ko sa mundong ito. Ang makapagbigay kasiyahan sa mga tao. Minsan nga naiisip ko...

Ah potek. Tama na nga. Gusto ko lang magpatawa kasi sabi sa mga women's magazine, gusto nila ng lalaking funny daw. Kaya ipagkalat nyo na nakakatawa ako [in an intelligent manner]!!! WAG KAYONG BASTA LANG MAGBASA DYAN! HANAPAN NYO AKO NG KAIBIGAN!!!

Kaya yung mga gustong magpakilala sa akin ng mga kaibigan nilang "sexually active", BABAE, intelehente, maganda, sexy, at ubod ng lakas ng urge makakilala ng isang kwelang taong kagaya ko eh lumapit lang sa akin at batukan ako ng malakas para mawalan ako ng malay at makita ko ang nasabing babae sa panaginip ko.

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Ayan, ang haba nanaman ng nasulat ko. Eh wala lang naman itong kwenta.

Para lang ako nagupod ng daliri para magpatuloy nito. Ano ba naman yan.

Ayoko na dito! Ilayo nyo ako sa harap ng computer please!!!

GUARD!!! MAY NANGGUGULO!!!

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Salamat nga pala sa mga nagbabasa. I appreciate it. Let's blog 'til the rest of forever eh?

Yeah, that's a brilliant idea...

Umuulan Nanaman

Maulan nanaman.

Ito na yata yung tinatawag nilang "rainy season"

Hindi ko din maisip kung bakit hindi ako nawawalan ng blog entry tungkol sa ulan.

Lagi akong maraming reklamo sa ulan.

Sabagay nga naman kasi eh lumaki akong madalas makaranas ng epekto ng malakas na pag-ulan.


Noong bata pa lang kasi ako eh maliit pa lang ang bahay namen, at nasa normal na lebel lang ng kalsada. Sa dulo naman ng street namen eh nakakonekta ang creek na tinatawag namin na "Ilog Bandong".

NOTE: Ang pangalang Ilog Bandong ay nagsimula mula sa aming nanay. Nasa tabi kasi ng creek o ng "ilog" ang pinakasikat na gawaan ng coco jam sa aming lugar na pagmamay-ari ng pamilyang Bandong. Ang lahat ng kalat na nagmumula sa Bandong Coco Jam factory (tulad ng panis na sapal ng niyog) ay derecho na sa creek. At ang creek din na ito ang paborito naming pagtapunan ng mga namatay naming aso at pusa (dahil wala kaming bakanteng lote para maging pet cemetery).

Maiging nakabalot sa dyaryo at plastik ang mga nangamatay na miyembro ng pamilya na either namatay sa sakit or nasagasaan. At sigurado akong pasado sa quality assurance ang pagbabalot ng nanay ko dahil parang mamatay pa ulit ang patay na alaga sa sobrang higpit at airtight sealing ng supot na pinagbabalutan.

Nakakalungkot lang isipin minsan na parehong technique ang ginagamit niya sa pagbabalot ng aking baon sa eskwela. Naalala ko tuloy sila Whitey at Robin.

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Anyway, gaya nga ng sinabi ko eh malas akong makaranas ng epekto ng malakas na ulan. At isa na dito ang pagbabaha.

Oo nga at nakatira kame sa isang private village, pero anak ng lumot naman, ang street namen ay parang isang malaking canal na nagpa-funnel ng tubig mula kabilang village papunta sa Ilog Bandong. Siya ang nag-iisang exit ng tubig mula sa creek sa kabilang village papunta sa Ilog Bandong.

Madalas mangyare yun nung hindi pa "upgraded" ang bahay namen. Sa madaling araw eh sobrang lakas ng bagyo na parang ikaw na ang susunod na Dorothy at matatangay na din ang bahay mo. Mga dalawang oras lang ng walang tigil na ulan eh katumbas na agad ng hanggang tuhod na lebel ng tubig sa loob ng bahay.

Minsan nga kapag malas ka pa eh magigising ka na lang na nakalutang na parang isang plane crash survivor sa gitna ng dagat. Minsan nga eh nagising ako na basang-basa ang ulo ko nung nakahiga ako sa yantok na upuan. Yun pala eh umabot na ang baha sa hinihigaan ko.

Noon ding pagkakataong iyon ko naranasan ang pait at pighati kapag nalaman mong hindi pala nailigtas ng mga kasambahay mo ang Playstation mo sa ilalim ng t.v. Parang gusto ko na lang magpakalunod sa tubig baha pagkatapos kong kapain ang ilalim ng lamesa ng t.v. at makuha ko ang adapter ng Playstation.

Buti na lang at napigilan ako ng nanay ko na inumin ang sangkabahaan sa bahay. Nailigtas naman pala ang Playstation at adapter lang ang nabasa.

Kung alam lang namen na binabaha ang lugar, sana pala eh nagpundar kame sa mga plastic at glass furnitures para walang problemang mabasa ito ng tubig. At sana din eh nagpundar kame ng mga styrofoam na banig at kutchon. Hindi man ito kasing komportable eh safe ka naman sa pagkalunod habang tulog.

Kung hindi lang siguro iisipin ng mga tao na wirdo kame eh binalot na namen ang lahat ng kagamitan sa plastik para hindi mabasa. Pero sino ba naman ang gustong manood sa t.v. na nahaharangan ng plastik ang screen?

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Kulay brown ang tubig-baha na pumapasok sa bahay namen. Yun na lang ang bonus dun, yung hindi kulay itim na parang katas ng pusit at kasing baho ng pinagsama-samang fecal matters ng mga kapitbahay. Maatim mo pang ilubog ang paa mo kasi hindi pa ito ganoon karumi para ipa-amputate mo ang paa mo pagkatapos. Para kang nakatapak sa iced-coffee with cream.

Pag minsan eh naabutan pa namin ang baha. Nakakapaglimas pa kame, nasasalpakan pa namen ng mga sako ng buhangin ang mga pinto at pati na din ang drainage ng banyo na parang bulkan kapag bumulwak.

Mahirap kapag binabaha ang buong bahay. Isipin mo, kapag tatae ka eh hindi mo mai-flush kasi for sure eh hindi ito lulubog at malamang eh makita mo itong lulutang-lutang sa sala o kwarto nyo. Dapat marunong kang tumae sa plastik o arinola para ka makaraos. Tapos ipapatangay mo na lang sa baha.

One time, nung tumae ako sa plastic, napalakas ang bato ko ng supot. Sa pader ng kabilang street sumabit at nabutas ang plastic. Buti na lang at bakanteng lote yun at malakas ang ulan. Natangay na ng agos ang mga mangga, sinigang na baboy, at chicharon.

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Mahirap talaga kapag pinapasok ang bahay niyo ng tubig. Bukod sa hindi mo alam kung anong pwedeng laman ng tubig pag pumasok ito sa bahay nyo [pwera sa sakit syempre], eh ikaw lang ang hindi makakaranas ng kuryente for some time.

Kasi syempre kahit hindi brownout, hindi pwedeng magkaroon ng kuryente sa bahay, unless gusto namen lahat maging tustado ang balat namen. Syempre ang outlet ng kuryente ay abot ng tubig, at isa itong conductor ng kuryente.

Maghihintay ka pa tuloy ng ilang linggo para matuyo ang socket ng kuryente at magtitiis ka na hindi makalaro ng Playstation. Nakakahiya din naman na makisaksak sa kapitbahay namen na nauna nang magpataas ng bahay. At ayoko din naman na pumutok ang mga saksakan sa bahay dahil lang sa hindi ako makatiis na hindi maglaro ng Tomb Raider. Sa kabutihang-palad eh natiis ko ng maging uncivilized sa loob ng ilang linggo.

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Ngayon eh mataas na din ang bahay namen. Wala nang problema sa baha. Pinataasan na ni erpats para daw pwede nang mangisda ng mga tinangay na kung ano-ano mula sa bintana. Baka daw may inanod na artista eh pwedeng bingwitin na lang namen.

Kaso lang, hindi na din nagbabaha dito. Simula nung tumaas ang bahay, hindi na bumaha. Feeling ko tuloy eh may kuneksyon ang pagbaha sa lebel ng bahay namen.

Siguro nung naghukay yung mga karpintero namen, nabutas nila yung drainage papunta sa ibang parte ng Pilipinas kaya tuloy dun na napupunta yung pagbabaha imbes na dito samen.

Sa kanila tuloy nagkakaflashfloods.

Lagi na lang umuulan. Parang walang katapusan.


Puta, pangit ng themesong.

Angel Angel Angel

Dahil chismis ito, dapat English para medyo thothyal naman.

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Uh, yeah, it first started as a rumor and then she announced that she's going as a freelance artist.

And then this afternoon, Daddy Angel confirmed the contract signing.

Angel is now a Ka-Family.

Yeah, what the heck, that's not really a big issue for me since I am not watching too much t.v. these past months, especially local channels.

Maybe a few peeks at GMA 7 for Ehra and Katrina, and of course Angel.

Those girls at Wowowee can also stir up a testosrenone-al commotion.

And now here is Angel.

Just waiting for a contract signing. Just a simple scribble of signature with a pen and she's with the family now.

That's pretty good for me! No more constant channel changing because the number one reason for changing channels is her!

Ehra and Katrina are just number two on my list. I hope they transfer too. Especially Ehra. She could do a bit of G2G and incestful action with her sister Michelle.

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I just saw The Buzz with Cristy Fermin interviewing Angel's dad and Angel's manager.

There were these few intrigues mentioned such as:

1. Angel was impregnated and she decided to abort it.

Dad's answer: It was untrue.

Well of course it was untrue. Her dad said it. That's the end of the issue. But of course, that's a bit of a showbiz material so he's probably trained to answer NO in all of these delusional questions about her daughter.

OH!!! And the sex video that was said to be hers was not actually hers but it was Natt Chanapa's video. They look quite alike, and of course they're both YUMMY! OH YEAH!

If it was true, I don't really care. That's another addition to the MILF list. Yessss!!! And getting pregnant would probably be one of the keys to make her a bit more daring. Well, just a bit more. Actually make her totally daring and go naked! Woohoo!

But not just yet. If she's still not a mama, of course, that's a big, big, big bonus.

2. Angel was the daughter of the househelper.

Dad's answer: Not true.

Yeah, of course. He said to just don't dig up the past anymore. That's entirely irrelevant. Not true.

I don't care about this one too. That's probably a good-looking mother she's got there, and it doesn't matter if she's a daughter of a house help or some kind of person that works for someone. What matters is that she was born here on our mortal plane and constantly pleasuring my imagination. Thanks Inday! I mean, Angel's mom!

3. Her studies in London are financed by a rich guy that seems to be her boyfriend.

Dad's answer: Not true you motherfucking maggots! She's just financed by a rich guy AND IT'S SOLELY A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. Angel needs to be aware about sportwear stuff in London. That's just a bunch of bullcrap.

That was not actually what her father told Cristy but I think that's how he wanted to answer these bunch of questions.

If I was the dad, I'd definitely answer in a calm and profanitious way. Who would not have mercy on an old blind man anyway?

4. Angel is a traitor and an ingrate.

Manager's answer: That was just below the belt. Angel served the network well and it was just time to take a shift in the career level.

That's just a matter of money-offering capabilities that the networks possesses.

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My friend told me [who is actually from the Ka-Heart network], that ABS-CBN was the one who financed Angel's London schooling and offered her bajillions and bajillions of money. Which would probably make ABS-CBN bankrupt by now.

I don't know how true this is but I trust her [my friend] enough about that issue.

It doesn't really matter. Where ever she is, I'd watch her show. Even if she's one of Barney's cast, I'd dig the show just for her.

Just like that hot Filipina on High 5.

And she's probably better off with ABS-CBN. She's got Boy, Kris, and Cristy at her back as the top chismis authority of ABS-CBN. At least for the few months she'd probably be safe from chismax because she's got these three protecting her.

The network seriously needs to shuffle their stars. And this is probably their greatest move.

Piracy, I love it.

Letting Go

Letting Go
by tannix

I can finally let go, of what I have inside
All the pain and anxiety, it shall all subside
I am at bliss when I am letting go
I feel at ease when my burdens flow

I can let go, of all this pain
This restless moment that I'm in vain
I shall let go of what I feel
The moment is now, It shan't be concealed

All these complexities within me
I have released them fully
Such angst and uncertainty
They shall trouble me no more

Alas! here I am, at the verge of letting go
Nothing can hold me back
This feeling I've yearned for
Now is the time that I shall be contented!

Such insurmountable gush of energy
Is what I have in me
When I let go of this feeling
It is like a spiritual healing

That's why I say to my friends, let go
Let go of what you have and everything will follow
But just a reminder to all of you that'll let go
Just wipe your ass and flush the toilet, after you let go

Hey There, I'm Oscar. Let's Go And Die!

I was surfing through the net a couple of weeks ago, searching for that Brian Zembric guy [the guy who "installed" silicon boobs on his chest for a bet], and I found an interesting cat on one of the pages of Ripleys.com.

This morning I came across Jessica Zafra's blog and I found the same article.

Let's just say that I'm a bit envious of the article, so I decided to make one as well! Ahehe!


The cat's name is Oscar.

Now this cat seems like just a normal cat. Of course, he is.

"Garfield was never really that orangey"

Oscar was living a normal life fit for cats. And probably on his free time, he let's the staff of Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Centre in Providence know who's gonna die next.

Yeah, that's correct. This cat has correctly predicted the death of more than 25 patients in the said institute.

Talk about angels of death. In this case, it's a cat of death. Death in one of its cutest form.

This cat's got more sensitized sense of smell than a dog.

That makes me wonder how death smells like. Does it smell like a rat? A fish? Most probably fish, or fish gills.

Oscar is said to lie down together with those patients who only have hours left in their lives. He doesn't seem to have interest to those whose health is not so good and to those whose got few more days to live.


What a revolutionary way of death-detection!

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Akalain mo nga naman na magkaroon ng ganoong pusa. Parang gusto ko tuloy mag-breed ng Death-Detecting Cats.

Kung magkakaroon man ng world tour ang pusang ito eh gagawan ko na ng paraan para makakuha ako ng sperm sample sa kanya para lang makapag-breed ng kagaya niya.

Makakatulong ako sa mga pasyente na kailangan nang makausap yung mga pamilya nila bago pa man sila sumakabilang-buhay.

Pero may iba pa akong plano kung sakali mang magkaroon ako ng ganitong klase ng pusa.

Siguro eh ganito ang mga gagawin ko:

1. Takutin ang mga kaaway [o kaya ang maangas mong boss] sa pamamagitan ng pagdadala ng pusang ito sa kanyang lugar. Mas mainam kung pagulungin sa bulok na karne ang alaga mo para talagang mag-amoy patay ang lugar.

2. I-train mong maigi ang pusa na lumapit sa matanda at mayaman mong kamag-anak at sabihin mong hindi ito aalis hanggang hindi ka pinamamanahan ng malaking halaga. Wala na ding magagawa ang kamag-anak mo dahil within hours na lang ang itatagal nila kaya siguradong susunod na din agad sila.

3. Dadalhin ko sa pag-aaplayan ko ng trabaho at ipapatong ko sa mesa ang pusa bago pa man ako magsimulang mag-apply. Paniguradong tanggap na ako nito.

4. Dahil maaga mong mape-predict ang kamatayan ng isang tao, pwede kang bumuo ng isang grupo ng crying ladies at mag-offer ng business deal sa mga chinese patients na "Cry now, pay later". Sakto yun, di pa man patay ang pasyente eh iniiyakan na siya. Baka maumpog pa yun sa bubong ng langit sa sobrang advance ng pag-aalay ng iyak. Same thing applies para sa pag-offer ng funeral plans.

5. Kung pagod na ako sa buhay ko, makikipagtitigan na lang ako sa pusa ko buong araw.

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Naalala ko naman yung isang storya na may kinalaman sa pusa. Ito yung propesor na alamat sa Mapua na hanggang ngayon eh buhay pa ang kanyang kwento.

Eto yung propesor na sobrang talino, at sobrang wirdo din.

How weird?

Nagsusuot daw siya ng gulay sabi nung instructor ko na naging under dun sa maalamat na propesor.

Tuwing brownout pa daw sa school eh bring your own candle imbes na suspendihin ang klase.

May time daw na nagtago siya sa ilalim ng lamesa para akalain ng buong klase na wala siya at hindi na sila pumasok. Absent ang buong klase dahil andun daw siya sa classroom nung time na yun.

Naglalakad ng patalikod kapag bumababa ng hagdanan, dahil one way daw yung hagdan at tinatamad na siyang umikot.

Ngayon, itong professor na ito eh sobrang talino naman dahil everytime na magkakaroon ng evaluation exam para sa mga instructors, eh tinutulugan niya lang ito. 10 minutes bago ipasa ang papel, gigising siya saka niya sasagutan ang papel, tapos magmamali lang ata ng isa kasi daw 'nobody is perfect'. What a shitty reason.

Kasama pa daw sa Top 100 most intelligent people ng Asia ang prof na ito.


Bakit ko siya nakwento sa kwentong pusa? Kasi meron siyang bitbit na kuting sa klase kapag daw may exam.

At ang lapitan daw ng pusang iyon ay paniguradong bagsak na dahil may kakayanan daw ang mga pusa na makakita ng bad spirits.

Kaya nga daw laging sinisipa palayo ng mga instructors namen ang kuting na yun papalayo sa kanila.

CATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCAT

Since uso na din ang genetic engineering at mutated cross-breeding ng mga hayop, bakit hindi kaya natin subukang magcross-breed ng bomb-sniffing dog at death-detecting cat?

At kung sakali mang makakapag-breed ako ng pusa sa mga bomb-sniffing dogs, meron akong isang ultimate anti-disaster na alaga!!!

Isipin mo na lang kung meron kang ganitong cross-breed na alaga -- sa isang iglap, mape-predict mo ang bilang at identity ng mga tao na pwedeng mamatay , sa sasabog na bomba na naamoy din ng alaga mo.
Astig!

O kaya naman eh malalaman mo kung gaano na lang ang itatagal ng tao na nahulihan ng droga.

Bakit ba naman kasi pusa pa ang napuntahan ng ganitong powers. Nakakatakot na tuloy mag-alaga ng pusa ngayon.

Mas gusto ko na lang tuloy mag-alaga ng dagang nagluluto kesa sa pusang nagsasabing mamatay ka na.

"Matapos ang Bananas in Pyjamas, naging performer na lang si Dodi sa perya"

Minsan/Madalas

Madalas ayaw mo.
Minsan gusto mo.

Minsan malakas ka.
Madalas hindi mo kaya.

Minsan naiintindihan mo.
Madalas malabo lahat sayo.

Minsan ikaw ay natututo.
Madalas ika'y nauuto.

Madalas gusto mong sumuko.
Minsan gusto mong sumugod.

Minsan punung-puno ka ng swerte.
Madalas naman gumugulong ka sa kamalasan.

Minsan ayaw mong masasaktan.
Madalas ka namang nasusugatan.

Madalas tinatakbuhan mo ang problema.
Minsan naman hinaharap mo sila.

Minsan nakikinig ka.
Madalas ginagawa mo ang gusto mo.

Madalas gusto mong mamatay.
Minsan mahalaga sayo ang buhay.

Minsan nagmahal ka ng lubos.
Madalas puso mo'y naghihikahos.

Madalas kinakapos ka ng grasya.
Minsan ka lang kasi magpasalamat.

Minsan kinalimutan mo siya.
Madalas tuloy lumuluha ka.

Minsan, hinahayaan mo na lang.
Madalas tuloy inaabuso.

Minsan gusto mo ng space.
Madalas naman naghahabol ka.

Minsan alam mo ang gusto mo.
Madalas naman gulung-gulo ka na.

Minsan ka lang magmamahal.
Madalas ka namang masasaktan.

Minsan ang bango-bango mo.
Madalas naman basa ka ng pawis.

Minsan ang ganda ng araw mo.
Madalas naman puro hinagpis.

Madalas eh ang sigla-sigla mo.
Pasalamat ka't minsan lang ang sakit mo.

Minsan ka lang magtiwala.
Madalas eh lolokohin ka pa.

Minsan moody ang mga tao.
Minsan tuloy gusto mong lumayo.

Minsan lang ang birthday mo.
Kaya iselebreyt mo ito ng husto.

Minsan ka lang mabubuhay.
Kaya punuin mo ito ng kulay.

Makulay ang buhay.
Sa sinabawang gulay.

Madalas kang sigurado.
Sablay naman ang kinahihinatnan nito.

Minsan ka lang maging perpekto.
Madalas nga sa panaginip pa ito.

Sa isang madalas sa buhay mo.
Eh sampung minsan naman ang katapat nito.

Minsan hindi ka maintindihan.
Madalas puro ka naman kababawan.

Minsan ginaganahan kang magpatuloy.
Madalas gusto mo na lang tapusin.

Minsan ka lang mabubuhay sa mundong ito.
Kaya gawin mong madalas ang kaligahayan mo.

Madalas akong nagsusulat.
Minsan lang may nagbabasa.

Pero minsan lang ako magsulat ng ganito.
Kaya basahin mo ng husto.

Turning Point

Ah yes, I am here again. In front of my computer, listening to Rihanna's tune and just taking a break from having a break.

Break after break, I progress. I am the what you can call a "bum" right now.

All is well. No school for the rest of the month, the year, and for the rest of until I-want-to-go-to-school-again.

Yep, school is over FOR NOW.

It feels quite well, to not be in school anymore. All those free time. All those rest and sound sleep. All of those free time for blogging.

All is well.

Well, not that well. To be honest, I feel a bit of nauseous right now.

I feel queasy and I want to throw up.

Stress is all over. I feel more pressured right now than before. It's like I'm Spider-man trying to save everybody else, when the truth is I should be doing things for myself as of this moment. I have this inexplicable feeling, to which I cannot pinpoint the source.

Is it my mind? Is it my body? Is it my reproductive system?

Probably. I cannot really identify it.

I've been thinking too much about everyone or rather some people in my life that it puts me into a state where I think about things.

And I must admit that thinking about things are pretty hard for me to do.

So I have to give time to what ME.

No one else matters as of now. It's all me as of this moment.

I have to take things seriously from now on and live a responsible and disciplined life.

That's a much bigger challenge than drinking a glass of water or swallowing a dead lizard.

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As for this English stuff...

Potah, tama na nga! Ayoko nang mag-English! Sa lahat ng job interviews ko puro na ako English! Tama na yan! Magtatagalog naman ako dito sa blog ko!

Pero of course, I'll be in English from time to time for the FOREIGNERS all around the globe that will be visiting this humble site of mine.

Which is another pile of shitty unrealistic scum.

Pero tigilan na talaga naten sa ngayon at magrelaks.

Magkwento naman tayo ng kaunting mga nakakatuwang mga bagay-bagay sa paligid ko.

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Ah oo nga pala, may ilang linggo na din akong naghahanap ng trabaho sa palibot ng Pasig, Quezon City, at sa Makati.

Yan siguro ang dahilan ng immense pressure na nadarama ko. Hindi naman nga sa minamadali akong magkatrabaho sa bahay namen pero ganun na nga.

Sa palagay ko naman eh talagang kaylangan nang maghanap dahil kaylangan nang makatulong sa lumalalang krisis sa loob ng bahay namen.

Anong krisis kamo? Ah wala, ang mga krisis na ito ay pwede din nating tawaging BILLS.



Bakit ba nakakaasar ang BILLS???

Si Bill ng Microsoft eh nakakaasar kasi ang yaman-yaman niya. Ika nga ni Verna eh bakit ang yaman-yaman-yaman ni Bill eh hindi naman siya nagpapainom! What a cheap person!

Ito ang dapat sa MICROSOFT VISTA MO!!!




*Credits to L for the sharing the video to me*

Si Bill-y Crawford eh ang galing-galing magsayaw na parang sampayan naman ng damit ang itsura dahil sa pinagpatong-patong na sweater, t-shirt, polo, sando, scarf, sako ng harina, at kung ano-ano pang wardrobe na hindi mo makikitang isusuot ng normal na taong nakatira sa isang tropical country.

"Do you want a shirt? I got plenty on me..."

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Kaya nga ba't ayaw ko ng mga bills. Bills ng kuryente, tubig, kuryente, tubig, at kuryente at tubig.

Ah, oo nga pala, yung mga gastusin para sa pagkain na misteryosong nauubos na lang bigla-bigla kapag andito ako sa bahay. Malaki nga ang pagtataka ko dahil hindi ko talaga matuklasan kung sino ba ang umuubos ng mga Fudgee Barr at mga Lemon Square Cheesecake na baon ng mga bata eh wala naman sila sa bahay.

Nagaganap lang talaga ang misteryong ito tuwing hapon na nandito ako sa bahay at tinatamaan ako ng gutom. Pareho lang din ang nangyayare sa mga laman ng refgridgerator tulad ng gatas, tetra packed juices at mga iba pang snacks.

Dapat ko sigurong magsiyasat ukol dito.

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Pero mabuti nga kamo at hindi pa laganap ang polusyon sa mundo, kung hindi eh baka gastusan na din namin ang bills para sa oxygen, diultraelectro-mezosubatomically-intellisensitized purified water, cleansed and "not grown on soil" vegetables, at non-malignant meat.

Kung nagkataon na inabutan na ako ng panahon kung kailan hindi pa ako nakakatapos mag-aral at laganap na ang polusyon eh mas gugustuhin ko pang lumabas nang bahay at singhutin ang kapaligiran kaysa sa magtrabaho.

Ito nga pala ang mga posibleng gastusin kung sakaling sobrang polluted na ng kapaligiran.


OXYGEN - Anak naman kasi ng kangkong, ikaw ba naman ang magbayad pa sa OXYGEN! Yun na nga lang ang inaasahan kong libre sa mundo eh sisingilin ka pa??? Lahat ng mga bahay nakabalot sa mga plastic bag para hindi pasukin ng hangin mula sa labas. At yung mga bahay na tinutukoy ko eh yung mga bahay sa Palawan, sa mga liblib na kagubatan ng Davao, Batangas, at iba pang mga magubat na lugar.

Ang masama pa nito eh imbes na chichirya na lang ang pag-aawayan ng mga tao sa bahay eh baka magkaaway pa sila sa bagay na gaya ng oxygen!

Setting: Siguro mga year 2097 na dito sa Pilipinas

Ate: "PAKSYET NAMAN OH! SINONG SUMINGHOT NG OXYGEN KO!!! IKAW BA NANAMAN SIGURO YUN OPTRIX20078 NOH!

Bunso: "HOY ATE MAGNESIA29339!!! HINDI AKO ANG SUMINGHOT NG OXYGEN MO! ANG KEPEL NG FEZ MONG MAG-ACCUSE!"

*Inamoy ni ate ang hininga ni bunso*

Ate: "AHA! IKAW NGA! NAAMOY KO ANG ONION-FLAVORED OXYGEN KO! NAAMOY KO SAYO!"


Nakaka-scared.

NON-MALIGNANT MEAT PRODUCTS - Actually nangyayare na ngayon ito sa Pilipinas. Marami na daw ang nagkalat na DOUBLE-DEAD MEAT sa Kamaynilaan. Hindi na sila naawa. Double-dead na karne. Sa ibang bansa, pinag-aaralan pa ang mas ethical na paraan na pagpatay sa mga hayop bago sila ibenta. Yung tipong "humane" na paraan nang pagpatay sa hayop para hindi naman madesecrate ang kanilang mga katawan.

(Akalain mo yun, pati hayop eh ginagalang sa kanila. Dito naman eh ang mga tao, ginagawang parang hayop.)

Dito sa atin double-dead pa ang ginagawa. Hindi na ba sila nakuntento sa single-dead at kailangan pa talagang i-doboded ang mga hayop? Ano kaya yun, matapos gilitan ng leeg ang mga hayop, binabaril pa sa o kaya eh kinukuryente pa! O basta kaylangan masiguradong patay na pati mga bulate nila sa tiyan.

Ahahaha, pero syempre iba naman ang ibig sabihin ng dobolded na karne. Tinetesting ko lang kung maniniwala ka sa sinabi ko.

Syempre pag dobolded, yung mga karne na namatay sa sakit tapos ibebenta pa sa palengke. Hindi siya normal na karne. Virus-enriched ang mga karneng ito. Syempre naman, ikaw ba ang papayag na malugi kung tamaan man ng kung anong bacteria ang karne na ibinebenta mo? Syempre hangga't pwede eh kumita ka para not total loss ang lahat.

Kumbaga, hindi mo naman papabayaan lang na masayang yung ulam from kagabi. Isasama mo siya sa gulay o sinangag sa kinaumagahan kahit alam mong hindi ito kakainin ng mga tao [gaya ng ginagawa ng katulong namen, the shit!].

Nakakatakot din yun, yung mahahawa ka ng sakit ng hayop. Foot and Mouth disease! Yung mukha mo at paa mo eh magiging parang sa baboy [although yung ibang mga tao eh meron nang Horseface disease], which is nakakatakot naman talaga. Kung ganun talaga ang FMD eh magpapakavegetarian na lang ako.

Sa ngayon eh mga ubo at sipon lang naman ata ang sakit ng mga hayop na nagkakaroon ng dobolded status sa palengke. Pero syempre kapag pinakinggan mo ang medical terms ng mga sakit na ito eh matatakot ka talaga. Yung tipong mga Acute Chronic ang mga paunang salita sa sakit eh sigurado akong kakabahan ka na ng husto kahit simpleng ubo lang naman pala ang mga iyan.

CLEANSED AND "NOT GROWN ON SOIL" VEGETABLES - Ngayon, kung ganito naman ang mangyayare sa mga gulay naten eh talaga namang wala ka nang choice kung hindi uminom na lang ng tubig.

Pero sa teknolohiya ngayon, posible na din naman ang mga pananim na hindi pa kailangan pa ng lupa. Hydroponics ang tawag sa prosesong iyan. Nasa tube lang yung mga halaman tapos lahat na ng kailangan nilang minerals ay nasa tubig na padadaanin sa tubo.

Yung cleansed eh mukhang kakaiba. Isipin mo na sa panahon na ubod na ng tindi ang polusyon, talagang kaylangan pang paraanin sa sobrang daming makinarya ang gulay mo bago mo ito makain. Ano pa kaya ang matitira sa gulay mo? Buto? Ugat? Kulay? Baka nga wala nang sustansya yan kapag nagkataon dahil sa cleansing process.

Pati siguro ang pari eh kaylangan pang basbasan ang mga gulay para ma-"cleanse" ito from bad elements.

DiULTRAELECTRO-MEZOSUBATOMICALLY-INTELLISENSITIZED [D.U.M.I.] PURIFIED WATER - Wala na pala talagang natitirang option sa mga tao na makapili ng kung ano mang mga bagay na pwede niyang ilagay sa kanyang katawan na original ang element. Kaylangan pa talagang i-ultra blah blah blah ang tubig bago mo ito mainom. Nung una, sapat na ang simpleng proseso ng mga water-purifying stations sa tabi-tabi [na parang kabute na nagsulputan]. Kaylangan pa nila ng mas complex na paraan para makapagpurify ng tubig na noon eh pwede mo na lang inumin nang wala kang aalalahanin. Kailangang puksain bawat elemento na matatagpuan sa polluted na environment na maaaring nasa tubig na din. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung magkano na ba ang magiging halaga para sa ganitong klaseng tubig. Baka nga sa sobrang purified niya eh silalaki na lang ng Eye-Mo ang bote niya at kapag iinom ka eh isang patak na lang ang kailangan mo.

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Medyo farfetched [oh diba, farfetched! So english!] naman ang mga kalokohang ito pero ang totoo lang eh yung katotohananan na totoo ngang merong Global Warming at nangyayare na ito. Hindi ko naman gustong i-kwento ito kasi nakakatakot lang. Baka himatayin ako pag nagresearch ako sa internet at malaman ko na lang na wala na palang Ozone Disco... este Layer dahil tuluyan na itong na obliterate.

Sana lang maging responsable tayo sa paggamit ng mga hairsprays, spraynet, at mga CFC-based na produkto. Ewan ko lang kung meron pa ngang ganito. Balita ko eh nakakapag-generate daw ng CFC ang palabas sa GMA 7 na kung tawagin eh DAISY SYETE at ang mga elongated na Soap Operas na kahit kailan naman eh hindi ko kinakitaan ng eksena na may nagsasabunan na magnobyo. Kahit man lang si Ryan at Juday eh papatusin ko na, kaso wala talaga eh.

O sige, kahit si Aiza at Juday.