Tooth Decay

This pain is nearing it's unbearable state. It started out as a minor pain. It grew. And now it's devastating.

This damn tooth is getting into my nerves. Literally.

I know I'm not a great big fan of dentists, and I seldom prioritize my teeth, even if they are in the brink of extinction, and of course decay.

Most of my molars have already started to accumulate decays and stains due to my favorite habit of "skipping toothbrushing".

I know most dentist would now sue me because of murdering their customer. And I have certainly lost a favorable spot for being one of Colgate's top endorser. What a shame.

And as a parent to these set of teeth, I would be imprisoned for not giving them a bright future and a long life. I'm sure the departed milk teeth, which is the founding fathers of my current teeth would haunt me for all eternity, for being such an irresponsible master and letting them die one by one.

It's been more than three months since the decay started. It first started as a black stain on the sides of the teeth. Then later on, I felt that it was starting to have a crack, and then proceeded on with the hole.

I wasn't quite sure of how deep the hole was. Last time I checked and pierced it with a toothpick(yeah, I know that's ILLEGAL), I felt an itch within my eyeball. And then a few days later, I pierced it again and the inside of my head started to have a feeling of being punctured every time I push that toothpick up my teeth. Must be a grand canyon-of-a-hole I have there.

The pain I feel now is not an ordinary pain, but a pain that can only be handled by a guy of my caliber. Someone strong enough to tolerate this kind of pain. I am not a fan of Manny and his Alaxan tactics so I'd just sleep this pain off and hope that it'll be all okay in the morning. I remind you that this is not an ordinary pain.

This is the kind of pain the Mike Tyson would cry to.
This is the kind of pain that FPJ would cry to whenever he's been hit by his opponents in one of his movies(and FPJ being hit rarely happens).
This is the pain that can make Manny Pacquiao's English all better.

This is the kind of pain that spies give up to.

Oh yeah. This is that kind of pain. And I can live with it. This is not Armageddon. This is not One More Chance. This is not Princess Sarah.

I will not cry just because of a toothache.

It's just the same as piercing your brow, or your lip with needles. Tingling at first, and then it start to itch, then it starts to squeeze the tear out your eye.

*Sigh* Why didn't I listen to the dentists.

And so, with this experience, I present to you the tips on how to avoid tooth decay.

TOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTH

*tips to avoid tooth decay*

1. Brush your teeth every night, every day, every minute up until your teeth have been erased, your gums have been torn apart, your toothpaste all consumed, and the bristles of your toothbrush blow up. If your not satisfied with the way you brush, then use a metal grinder for more effective results.

2. Don't venture too much on sweets. If you and your gf/bf is sweet, don't try to lick and taste each other. Don't get friendly with Willy Wonka, Hershey, M&M's, and Maxx. For the homosexuals, try to stay away from Chupa Chups.

3. Always floss your teeth. Use only the necessary materials for flossing such as strands of hair, nylon threads, sewing threads, metal wires, fingernails, and shoelaces.

4. Always brush your teeth before, during, and after sex. Orgasmic juices have been proven to stain teeth 100 percent of the time so try to stay away from those stuff.

5. Cigarette smoke can cause tooth decay. So stay away from them too. If you can't stay away, use your nostrils to puff smoke instead of your mouth.

TOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTHTOOTH

This pain is get is getting unbearable by the minute.

It sucks!

Get me a dentist quick!

Test This Shit

There's far lot more of amazing processes beyond our universe. There's the Black Hole, the Big Bang Theory, and Alien bacterial reproduction.

But regarding these things, there are also few mysterious processes occuring in our planet aside from Lunar Eclipses and Ozone Layer thinning.

And what I am talking about is Stool Sampling.

Well, this may not be a bigger topic or matter than presidential speeches and human cloning, but we cannot deny the fact that stool sampling is a crucial part of our professional life and must not be taken lightly.

As a regular procedure of the so-called Medical Examinations [that a professional must undergo as a part of the employment phase], stool sampling takes is place at the bottom part of the procedure. It can provide basic information about your medical condition and it can also predict the recent diet you've been taking.

Aside from the undigested vegetables such as beans and kangkong, stool samples can predict your future. Well of course that is if there's any fortune teller that is willing to look at your shit just to predict the future.

I therefore provide these tips in order for you to fully utilize such process. Remember that stool sampling may sound simple and appear incomplex, but there is such great process that occupies its name.

DISCLAIMER: As usual, the following tips and/or procedures and/or descriptions has not undergone any testing procedure and should be handled with care. Any particular result regarding the said procedure may be discussed here.

Tips/Steps to a successful Stool Sample Extraction by Tannix

1. RELAX - stool extraction is not a gang war nor it is World War I or II. It is not forced. Stool extraction is quite similar to sexual intercouse where in the use of force can produce undesirable and painful sensations.

It is a delicate process and be sure to be at at relaxed state of the physical and mental. One must be at a calmed wholly calmed and not rushing at all times. Do not be impatient and wait for the proper timing.

Remember how Don Juan captured the Ibong Adarna? He waited until the bird was vulnerable enough to be caught.

I'm not saying that you should slash your wrists and squirt citrus juices on them. What I'm saying is that you should be patient enough and relax in order for the procedure to be carried out accordingly. You may not obtain a successful result, but a relaxed state of both mind and body can ease the process.

2. HAVE THE RIGHT TOOLS - in the fast-paced pace of technology today, we cannot deny the fact that 20 or 21 years in the future, there are numerous supermachines that are readily available in the market that are specially designed for stool sampling or extraction. In the near future, you may even send your stool samples ONLINE.

Either you attach it with your e-mail, you fax it to the company, or you send it via bluetooth or WiFi.

But as of now, we must live with what we have and be able to utilize the functions of our current technology.

Usual Tools may be any of the following:

A.) Extractor - an extractor may be as simple as a spoon or as sophisticated machine that can extract stool samples from your anus. You can choose from a variety of plastic spoons [and NOT FORK] from different fastfood companies, particularly Jollibee and Mcdo.

You may opt for McDonald's spoon since it's much smoother and it can't damage your asshole. Keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to order from a fastfood chain just to obtain spoons like these. You can also use silverwares since they are easy to clean and gives a tingling effect since it is made of metal.

An alternative extractor may be a popsicle stick from Magnolia or Selecta products. Just be sure that you have already eaten the popsicle or ice cream from the stick before you stick it up your ass. You may pick any flavor of popsicle. I prefer orange.

NOTE: Popsicle sticks have long been a tool used by clinics to observe your throats during check-ups. It pushes your tongue downward to fully get a view of your throat. You must be observant enough to know if the popsicle stick has already been used for stool extraction. If the popsicle stick tastes unusual, then you should go sue your clinic.



B.) Container - medical examiners usually provide containers for the feces during the period of medical exams. But at the case of when you are not given, it is advised that you are to pick an airtight container to prevent the smell from infesting the area.

You can choose tupperwares or microwavable containers.

Bottles with rubber seals or Close-up resealable sachet is also an option for the container. You can choose a paper plate or a newspaper, it's your shit anyways, so you still get to decide. If you're really out of containers, you can hand carry the sample until you get to submit it to the examiners.





C.) Disinfecting Materials - stool extraction is not a neat process. It is as delicate as the process of giving birth [and also as painful if your shit is as big as a child], and it is full of germs and is no way near sterilized.



It is therefore adviced that you are to use alcohol, soap, tissue paper, alcogel, gasoline, matchstick, atomic bomb, holy water, and scotch brite and Joy Antibac or any disinfecting materials you know in order to ensure proper shit extraction. You can also use medical rubber gloves in order be truly disinfected.

3. BE PREPARED - sometimes, it is difficult to predict the exact time that you are to shit. You should be prepared at all times. It is not advisable that you are to induce fecal extraction for faster results.

Example: You are to eat Bagoong, and then you drink Chocolait, and you eat champoy, peanuts, raisins, and green mango, and tamarind. Within minutes, you are sure to be shitting your pants.

This process will result into undesirable...uhm, results. Remember that stool extraction is quite similar to giving birth and should be prepared for.

Medical examiners, more often than not, require individuals to produce FRESH SAMPLES of shit. Stools are not like meat products that you can place inside the refrigerator to keep the freshness when the submission of the sample is not yet due. It may be mistaken for some sort of sauce or Kimchi if placed in the refrigerator.

Also practice proper asshole muscular control. You don't want to let the shit be pouring too fast when you extract it. Might as well use the toilet first and fish the samples from there.

Do not be dismayed if the stool extraction is a failure for the reason of diarrhea or false alarms. Stools are not always the thing that are to come out of your ass. It may be a tiyanak or a big fart. Nonetheless, you should be prepared.

4. BACK-UP - If all else fails, you could try to extract the sample directly at the venue of the examiners. It is a good thing since you are sure to obtain a sample. You could try to extract at a specific time. Let's say after lunch, when you've had two Big Macs.

The only drawback would be that your ass would have the condition of unfamiliarity with the different toilets and you would be having difficulty shitting out the samples. Most puwets have this namamahay condition that prevents them from "letting go".


Remember that this is stool extraction and not sperm donation. You can't use a porno magazine to induce a sample.

So it is best to be prepared.

There are many possibilities when it comes to stool sampling. Your imagination is the limit.

I hope these tips help.

You can always normally deliver shit out your ass. It's been always like that since you were born.

Evasion

There will come a point in our lives in which we have to avoid something. Evasion is not an act of cowardice, it is a form of protecting oneself. A protection in which we can save ourselves from the negativities of these forces that surround us.

And often times, what we have to evade are people.

People who's got the extreme hots for us. It may be because of our aura, our sex appeal, our extreme looks and probably just because we are damn gorgeous. It may be these type of people or just some kind of pesky neighbor trying to sell you something.

And we just can't entertain them anymore because we are in a current relationship, or we just simply don't like to see the person because of how they dress, how they act, how they smell, and how they treat us. For any reason at all, we just have to evade these people.

My friends, let me give you some tips on how we could successfully(?) avoid certain people that are after us.

DISCLAIMER: These steps have not been tested in any way. I shall not be held responsible for any fatal results whatsoever.

Possible Evasion Tactics by Tannix

1. IF THE PEOPLE YOU ARE AVOIDING TOLD YOU THAT THEY ARE GOING TO YOUR PLACE, IMMEDIATELY INFORM THEM THAT YOU HAVE AN LEAVING FOR SOMEWHERE RIGHT AT THE EXACT MOMENT THAT THEY ARE TO ARRIVE.

It is important that you have to let these people believe that your destination is believable and it really exists. Choose a place like Disneyland, Mars or Jupiter. Tell them that you want to meet aliens and that you want to personally measure how big is Jupiter. You can also tell them that you're attending the funeral of the brother of the sister of the neighbor of the godfather of the mother-in-law of the cat of the son of the househelp of your cousin. Or you just have to be somewhere you weren't suppose to be just because they are coming.

Tell this to the people being avoided every time they are visiting so that surprise visits are to be eluded.

2. DON'T BATHE FOR FIVE... wait... make it SEVEN DAYS UP TO A MONTH. ALTERNATIVELY, YOU CAN JUST WIPE YOUR ARMPITS BUT DON'T PUT DEODORANTS

Your nasty smell shall serve as the "insect repellant" for the annoying people you are trying to avoid. You can also jog inside your cabinet for easy perspiration. You must do this before the person arrives and be sure to give them a hug whenever they arrive.

If you cannot deem to not take a bath or go with the wiping thing, you could proceed with cleaning your nails regularly and not letting them grow.

Hey, you may smell like hell, but at least you've got pretty clean fingernails!

3. PRETEND THAT SOMEONE IS GIVING YOU A DEATH THREAT AND YOU ARE IN DANGER AT ALL TIMES.

Certain proof of a death threat must be established. You must make the person believe that any person that has a connection with you which is a man/woman/gay/lesbian, has an age within the range of 1-100 years old, within the vicinity of your area or is in the Philippines, has the starting letter of their name included in the English alphabet, is 100 percent and positively sure that their lives are in danger. Also indicate to the person that surprisingly, all the members of your clan are not included in this death threat.

4. YOU COULD TRY TO GET THESE FOLLOWING ANIMALS AS PETS: RATS, COCKROACH, BEDBUGS, FLEAS, MOSQUITOES, SNAKE, BEES, ALLIGATORS, FROGS, FLIES, CENTIPEDES, LIONS, TIGERS, BEARS, ASWANGS, TIKBALANGS, KAPRE, JELLYFISHES AND OTHER ADORABLE CREATURES OF THE NIGHT.

Be sure to display them in your house[in a bragging manner] whenever you are visited by the person being avoided.

It is advisable for you to treat your pest..er...pests as part of your family. Give them enough love and devotion that you would give a "normal" pet. Be sure to show affection to the pet by kissing them in front of the person and feeding them regularly.

NOTICE:

A. As advised by Bob Ong - Do not place the frogs and snakes, frogs and mosquitoes and/or flies and/ or bees and/or bedbugs, snakes and rats, in a single cage unless you want your house to become a food chain chart.

B. Be advised to feed the pets 3 times a day or based on their dietary allowances.

C. Keep out the Aswangs out of sunlight. They will surely die at the morning [given by popular belief]. Provide sunblocks if necessary.

D. Be sure to have an ample supple of "grass" for the Kapres. Keep an ample supply for the Tikbalangs as well because aanhin pa ang damo kung patay na ang kabayo.

E. Provide labels for the cages. It is most likely that the jellyfishes will end up as pulutan for the drunk family member, being mistaken it for a squid.

F. If the said animal is unavailable for purchase due to some DENR issues, you may replace it with a "replacement" such as a picture of Madam Auring or Diego of Bubble Gang.

*DISCLAIMER*

This particular step will not be held liable for the damages that it will surely bring to you, to your pets [or pests], or to the brother of the sister of the neighbor of the godfather of the mother-in-law of the cat of the son of the househelp of your cousin.

If ever your house burns, you die, or your whole clan is exterminated, I won't be held liable. I just gave these things as a guide. If such things happen, I don't exist anymore.

NOTE: I am usually used to the pets mentioned above.

5. ALWAYS TAKE A NAP OR GO TO SLEEP WHENEVER THE AVOIDED PERSON IS AT YOUR HOUSE.

It's best of you would induce narcolepsy or take some sort of downers or munch on sleeping pills like peanuts. It is also advised to use camping gears such as tents and bonfires right in front of the person you are avoiding. Be sure to sleep in the place where the person is positioned.

6. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, PROVIDE TANNIX WITH CONTACT DETAILS OF THE PERSON BEING AVOIDED.

This particular step is only applicable if the person being avoided is a woman, between 18 to 23 years of age, single, sexy, cute, beautiful, gorgeous, kind, cheerful, a good cook, sings very well, understanding, patient, thoughtful, sweet, and pretty, has no criminal and/or psychotic behavior and/or records, and/or psychological issues, has a loving parents, and has no bad habits. Oh, and with hot and oozing sex appeal that's also a freak in the sheets.

Please give the details of the woman to tannixkinse@yahoo.com, or to friendster.com/tannix, and to this blog.



And these are said tips that are to be followed for avoiding people, may it be a stalker, an in-law, bill collector or someone asking a favor, I'm sure this will surely help.

Thank you and goodluck to the evasion.